


Stay

by behzaintfunny



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Head Injury, M/M, Memory Loss, Near Future, Retirement, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 21:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behzaintfunny/pseuds/behzaintfunny
Summary: "He holds Gigi's hand and remembers the colors white and black, the smell of grass and the taste of champagne. It's almost enough."





	Stay

  
Gigi thought he knew life until he felt snow melting under his knees. Morning sunshines have never felt quite so overwhelming like then.

The whole world seemed to have stopped around him. He was vaguely aware of children bickering in a nearby playground and of couples being adorably affectionate under the cover of trees. It is as though the globe stopped moving and all there was was the constant weight of his phone clutched in his cold hand. He had stopped wearing gloves altogether after retirement, punishing the weary skin on his fingers yet not feeling apologetic whatsoever. They were crusted and weak now, prone to cuts and aging as though they could hardly exist without the safe coverage of his gloves. It didn't help that he had been biting his nails ever since he lost Leo to tiled walls and unsympathetic doctors.

It has been five months and nineteen days up to date since he had the priviledge to fall asleep by Leo's side. Nothing was the same without him. The bed, always too big for two, now felt like it would eventually eat him alive with how empty it was. His clothes were losing the scent of Leo and the walls were slowly forgetting the merry sound of his most sincere laughter. He would still see Leo smiling at him from the pictures that are hanging above the fireplace, empty and surreal. Gigi often finds himself wandering his own hallways as though he had never seen them before at night, touching the walls in hopes that it anchors him to this place. If he didn't do it, he would be entirely lost in the darkness with not a single hand to hold. He caresses the wooden frames of all photos seperately. Leo is smiling at him from the beach, wearing so little it is hardly appropriate to be hung in the living room, or from the Alps, leaving a kiss on Gigi's cheek that would linger forever through the magic of photography. He would always have this.

He can hardly remember what Leo's lips feel like anymore.

Sometimes, he invites Andrea and it almost feels right. They cook together or look through old albums that hold all the glory of the past. Andrea is the closest he'll ever get to a therapist. It isn't exactly like that, not when Andrea kisses away the tears that run down Gigi's neck, but it might be the only thing connecting him to reality. Without him, he'd be lost altogether, now and for all.

Gigi is _not_ sulking. Gigi is coping.

If the only form of therapy that exists is awakening feelings that should have been long forgotten, then he is getting the most professional therapeutic help in the world. He likes to think that Andrea does not take pity on him when he welcomes him in his bed but, honestly, he isn't sure of anything at this point in life.

It was all so much easier before. There were three certainities in life -- the ball at his feet, the net behind his back and the heartbreaking sound of the whistle. Nothing could take that away from him.

Then, Leo appeared in his life with the force of the most frightening tidal wave. He settled in the depths of his heart like no one before him _\- not Andrea, not Alessà -_ and made a home in his veins. It's beautiful, really, how two people meeting by sheer accident changes their entire lives. Be it fate or not, he pays no mind. The one certain thing in his life is that Leo would never, ever leave him.

He has been alone for five months and nineteen days, and five months and nineteen days too long.

With help he never properly asked for, he slowly learned that life goes on. He still visited Leo whenever the chance appeared. Leo, stubborn and stupid as he has always been, was apprehensive to let Gigi see him like this.

_"It doesn't matter that you lost your spark." Gigi would tell him, voice shaking just as much as his hands, "You're still my Leo."_

_Leo would laugh at his face, unashamed and weak but reminiscent of what used to be. He never did lose that smile._

When the hospital calls, he's carrying groceries from the nearby market. He is gazing at the sunshine that blesses people with its beauty when they tell him.

"Mr. Bonucci requests to see you now."

It's cold, emotionless almost, so devoid of any sympathy that Gigi considers refusing. The relatively good mood leaves him immediately because, even if he wish it weren't true, he knows Leo wouldn't just force him to visit him for any silly reason. Those very words are why he's kneeling in the middle of the pavement, trousers quickly sogging from all the snow and tears stinging his cheeks. Nobody pays any attention to him, nor they should, which makes him feel like he doesn't even exist. He wishes Andrea was there to help him up.

After the initial shock passes, Gigi runs home faster than he has ever seen anyone run in his whole career. The groceries are the least important thing on his mind, thrown on the wooden floor to be dealt with later, as he fiddles in the cupboard for his car keys. He hasn't had to ride his car for what feels like eternity, deliberately walking everywhere to clear his mind from overthinking. He runs down the stairs, panting as though he was never even an athlete, the dark red keychain peeking through his tightly clutched fingers.

The ride to the hospital could be considered his darkest period in life. There are no thoughts, no feelings, only the uncomfortably harsh grip on the steering wheel. His knuckles crack with the force they were for so long immune from. For all he knows, they could be bleeding.

It wouldn't be the first time, nor the last.

Nurses are awaiting him with their fake pleasantries and plastered smiles. He pretends he never even noticed them, instead heading to the room he is all too familiar with. He runs up the stairs, feeling as though he would be suffocated in the tiny elevator. It could always break and he was not taking that chance, however unlikely.

Door number 87 seemingly shines at him, blank and boring like 86 and 88 alike. The staff look at him like he is some madman but not one person voices their thoughts. The doorknob is cold under his fingers, so cold he imagines he is entering hell.

Hell, or heaven, he doesn't know.

There, under disgustingly green sheets, lies Leo. He is almost unbearably alive.

 _"Tesoro mio..."_ Gigi says, broken, afraid Leo wouldn't hear him. He catches his fragile form in his arms, embracing him like in the old days. He can practically feel Leo smiling against the side of his face. Leo strains the effort to return the embrace, however difficult.

"I needed to see you before..." Leo mumbles against his hair, "I had to be with you."

Gigi shushes him, caressing his cheek and his temple gently. Only then does he take a proper look at Leo.

The sun doesn't shine in his eyes anymore. His cheeks don't burn with redness. They are much more hollow, almost scarily so. Leo looks at him with so much adoration it overwhelms him. He has never quite grown used to it.

"Tell me about life, Gigione." Leo insists, voice gruff and shallow, "Have you heard from Paulo?"

Gigi looks down at his pathetically ruined hands, "Paulo doesn't call anymore, dear. He is somewhere far away where he has finally found happiness, I hope."

"Ah, so he left." Leo mumbles, "I hope it hasn't been too harsh on you, _cuore mio_."

"Claudio calls, sometimes." Gigi replies, looking into Leo's eyes as though in a daze, "Did you know he owns a winery in Turin, love? I could hardly believe it myself. I still see the same young boy in him, the one that couldn't leave his mother's side. He is a grown man now, so mature it almost scares me. He sent me two bottles of his favourite wine for your birthday, you know? They came two months late. I hid them. I didn't want to try it without you."

The corners of Leonardo's lips raise in a very gentle, reserved smile. He closes his eyes in an attempt to recall what Claudio's face looks like.

"When is my birthday, love?"

"May. Have you forgotten?"

Leo furrows his brow in confusion. Gigi can hear the snow gently tapping on the window sill outside. He thinks, he needs to move Leo's bed closer to the window so that he can see more of the world.

"It doesn't matter." Gigi whispers in attempt to calm Leo's thoughts, "It's nearing Christmas, sweet."

"Hm. It seems it is." Leo mumbles, "Tell me, are you happy, Gigione? It would pain me to know you're unhappy."

Gigi smiles, "I'm very happy now, amore. You make me feel this way. You always have."

The snow picks up on its pace. Idly, Gigi knows he should close the window, lest Leo is too cold, but he is seemingly frozen to the spot he claimed on his bed.

"Hold my hand, Gigi." Leo whispers, "Please."

And so he does.

Bleeding and blistered, he captures Leo's much warmer hand in his. It seems almost eerily light in his, so fragile it might break. It is the closest he has been to him in almost half a year, the intimacy so foreign it makes his heart swell with how much he loves him. After all these years, his feelings for him have never changed. They have only ever been strenghtened.

"I wish for the night to never come." Leo tells him, "Not for you. Not for me."

Gigi cannot stop himself any further from capturing Leo's lips in his own. The kiss they share is delicate, one of longing and of too many years of loving each other. Gigi thinks he could never grow tired of this. When Leo bites at his lower lip in a silent plea for the kiss to deepen, he envisions himself back in Turin. They're young and beautiful, claiming the top of the world as their own, always hungry for victory. The hunger claws at their insides, constantly begging them for more. When his hand curls behind Leo's ear, he imagines he can feel the rough buzzcut underneath the tips of his fingers.

When they reluctantly pull away, Leo's sheepish smile causes imaginary butterflies to flutter in his stomach. Silently, he regrets never having married the love of his life.

"Isn't it so precious and rare to even exist?" Leo mumbles, "I feel so blessed to even be here in this moment with you. I need you to know that."

Gigi presses a kiss on the top of his forehead, "I love you so much, Leo. I doubt I've ever loved you more than I do now. I couldn't imagine a lifetime without you in it. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"Stop." Leo giggles and hits his arm painfully, "And they tell me I'm sick in the brain. They must have never taken a proper look at you. You're the first documented case of love poisoning your brain. Now, that's something."

"Not poisoning." Gigi smiles, "I'm sickeningly in love with you, yes, and it beats me to madness but I simply can't get enough."

"You're so embarassing." Leo manages a smile back, "Do you remember the first time we met? It seems to be the one thing I cannot seem to forget."

"Tell me more about it, love. I seem to have forgotten."

"No, you haven't!" Leo chuckles, tightening his grip on his hand, "I felt as if I had been put before some god. You were so overwhelming I could hardly fathom anything you said to me. You were incredibly kind to me from the start but I still felt so small under your gaze. It must have been pretty awkward on your behalf, I imagine."

"It sure was, Leo. Look how far we have come."

Eventually, he gets Leo to shift and allow him to sit more comfortably. Back against the wall, he plays idly with Leo's fingers in his lap. His soaken clothes are seemingly the least relevant thing in the entire world.

Leo's faint question awakens him from his reverie, "How did I get here, Gigi?"

Gigi looks at him then, only a shadow of the man he used to be, and cannot bring himself to smile. Leo looks up at him with hopeful eyes, like a kid on Christmas Eve.

He desperately, truly wishes he could give up everything just to properly have his Leo back.

"Crotone at home. We were two games away from your testimonial. You never planned on retiring so you stayed around until they practically kicked you out. He booted your head, straight red. I've only ever seen few head injuries that looked this bad. Poor Cutrone crying at your side... I was in the stands, unable to do anything. I've never been so scared, Leo. I thought I had lost you."

"Patrick?" Leo whispers, "Please, send him my best wishes. I need to know he is doing okay without me."

"It's been half a year, _cuore_. Patrick is captaining Milan to European glory. He's doing everything in his power to make you proud."

"Really? So I never did retire, then?"

Gigi smiles, "No, you didn't."

Leo's head falls back against Gigi's shoulder as he allows himself to close his eyes, "Hm. You can tell the board they should be expecting my quickest return... It's only a matter of time before I remember everything, right, Gigione?"

Leo asks him with the faintest voice of a child who has suddenly lost everything dear to them.

Not everything, he tells himself. He doesn't really believe it.

Gigi leaves a delicate kiss on the top of Leo's head, once rough and brisk, now only skin. He feels tears collecting in the corners of his eyes, threatening to escape.

He has no heart to break it to Leo that he will never walk again. It's cruel and selfish, yes, but the words catch in his throat and never come out.

"You were unconscious for four months before some miracle opened your eyes. It's the most alone I have ever felt in my life."

Leo shifts even closer to him, "I want to retire, Gigi. I want to hear San Siro singing my name, one more time. I want to have the goodbye I never earned."

Gigi's thumb brushes over Leo's hand delicately. The world has seemingly stopped around him again, yet for a very different reason.

"You've earned it a hundred times, over and over. They didn't just forget about you. They couldn't." Gigi says quietly, "When you retire, I'll be there for you. I'll watch over behind your back, like in the old days."

Leo breaks into a gentle smile at the very mention. He has scarce memories of what used to be five, ten years ago, but whenever Gigi talks about it, it's like he has never even forgotten. He knows he wants to forever hold onto those sacred memories, ones that couldn't possibly be taken from him. He holds Gigi's hand and remembers the colors white and black, the smell of grass and the taste of champagne. It's almost enough.

"I'm tired, Gigione. I'm tired of sleeping but I'm afraid it's all I ever do these days."

Gigi pulls Leo into another kiss, overthrown by sudden emotions he has repressed for so long. They aren't kissing passionately like they used to, but as though it's their only means of relaxation. Leo seemingly melts in Gigi's embrace as he lets himself go. It doesn't get his blood running quicker, nor does his heartbeat fasten. It's only him and the love of his life, the one man he has sworn to protect and care for.

It scares Gigi how much he is falling in love with him all over again, after all these years.

He moves his and Leo's hands so that they settle on Leo's chest, right where his heart is beating steadily. It causes another smile to break onto Leo's face, full and toothy, like not a single day has passed since they first met. Some things never change...

"I'll stay with you until you wake up. I promise I'll never leave your side."

He intends to hold onto that promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by "Love on the brain" by Rihanna, "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last and "City of angels" by Thirty Seconds To Mars. But especially the first one.
> 
> So, apparently nothing can stop me from writing angst... Maybe one day I'll stop hurting Leo, who knows! Please let me know in the comments your favorite bits etc. I appreciate all your kudos and comments, they inspire me immensely. <3
> 
> I don't speak Italian so if anything is used wrong then do let me know!  
> cuore mio - my heart  
> tesoro mio - my treasure  
> amore - love


End file.
